This site contains a selection of writings, poems, and songs documenting the events surrounding being with my sister in the hospital in 2009. This includes being there with her directly after two emergency surgeries and supporting her through the mental and physical process of recovery. The recovery process is, at base, a social process. It is the story of how everyone involved helped each other to make it through this moment in time.    

Going through these events and their aftermath was very intense for our family and for those that supported us.I have chosen to publish these writings to document my own struggle to understand these events and how they have affected me. I publish them also to come to terms with what it means to support someone you love and how this changes your life.

All of the poems are in the order they were written at the time, and so are the writings. I have not changed or modified anything from the time it was written, except for a few spelling errors. I have separated out the two longer poems because they represent complete stories and contexts within themselves, and are good markers--'The Face of Our Time' written in the beginning of all this, and 'Underneath Me' written much later, after months of being back and forth to the hospital.

'Hospital Reflections' were taken from journals I kept during this time, as well as from a blog I was publishing. They represent very direct and strong experiences, as they were written almost immediately after returning from the hospital. The first two 'reflections' might be a good place to start.

'Hospital writings' were mostly written during the recovery process, when I had time to try understand everything that happened, to try to piece things together. I have included here some lessons I have learned, and I also have included my sister's lessons. 

'Songs and Words' includes all songs and lyrics from the Bloodloss Album, which this site is named after. I recorded these songs during the last half of 2009 and put out 50 copies, given to friends and family. They are a good window inside the everyday mind states that characterize going through events such as these.  

There are many themes covered here--loss, powerlessness, abandonment, love, hate, struggle, time, giving up, etc. I see this album and these writings as the most direct way inside all the swirling emotions and thoughts that I went through to come to terms with how this affected my life, to really understand this experience.

If you would like to contact me, send mail to [email protected]. At some point, I will get back to you. Also, check for updates. My sister and I will be adding things from time to time. Thank you for taking the time to read these writings and listen to these songs.

Jamie.