My Lessons
run to the ocean, run inside yourself. talk for hours all night wake up not remembering. smoke a million cigarettes show up to work and quit before you walk inside. be sad until you’re not. be uncomfortable for a while, it’s a wobbly world. happiness comes. cry for weeks cry for months take yourself as you are. care about those you love if you love them. have integrity if you want others to take you seriously. do things the hard way to really know. look at the sun shining understand things take a while to clear up in the darkened mind. make some bad decisions, it’s good for you sometimes. forget where you end and other people begin. be gentle when you can be. be intense when you have to be. let things get in the way of what you want. it’s a good lesson. understand the heaviness of the world when things happen, hold your position. take solace in the strength of an irrational and dangerous decision. gather courage from waiting patiently for something beyond your control. sit with the suffering: you might be the only one who understands after it is all over.
Guilt is a horrible reason to do anything. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Be there for people because you care, not because you think you have to be. Don’t be a spineless liberal–lukewarm about most things which implies a high level of comfortability. This society is not comfortable for people who really feel. You can only take in so much pain before you break. Break if you have to. Let the world heal your trauma, let your friends find you and tell you they think it’s alright you don’t know who you are, what you’re doing and that you will come back. believe them. believe in the distant shining light of a traumatized mind. you get there eventually but slow. believe in time moving, believe in hearts beating, believe in death the great equalizer. no one escapes, so we are all in this together in a certain way. if there’s no space for you in someone’s life, leave. It’s not worth the struggle. Don’t come to too many conclusions about who or how you are if you don’t know. sit there. Don’t apologize if you are not sorry. Don’t say you love someone unless you mean it. be as nice as you can to the sincerely ignorant but protect yourself. There’s a piece of you in everyone. make your intentions known, let people in on your secrets, but keep a few for yourself. Fight for the space you need to take care of yourself.
Remember there are people worse off than you and one day you could be there. Remember there are people more privileged than you who will never understand this. The world is not heavy nor light. It is just the world and we all find ourselves relating to it in different ways. Feel things. Don’t be too hard on yourself and others. What seems necessary to you might seem harsh to others, what seems mean to you might seem honest to others, and what seems confusing to you might make perfect sense to others. remember people with the most stable minds have been raised in the most stable environments and they are dwindling. If you need support, find people that will stick around. stare at the stars for a really long time, forgive but don’t forget, be open with others but don’t hurt yourself. Realize most of us have been hurt.
Don’t pay attention to what ‘they’ say. They are not ‘you’ and you have to live with yourself always. Don’t be a joiner. The world is the way it is because people don’t think for themselves. Don’t cater to the public: it’s a parasitic relationship. Their normality feeds off of your honest vulnerability. Don’t let society rip you apart because you care. Don’t be a passive observer. remember people will love you, hate you, or be indifferent to who you are. deal with what life gives you head on instead of ignoring it for fragile and fleeting happiness and false security. You don’t have problems. You have a life, as do many people, with ups and downs. Sometimes they pile up and you break down. go there. don’t let people tell you you are alright when you are not. don’t let people tell you that you are crazy if you don’t trust them. Listen to your heart. listen to your thoughts but don’t take them for reality. that’s a collective endeavor that everyone’s ‘world’ plays a part in. do the honest thing, even if you lose friends.
If it’s for love it’s worth it, but brace yourself. lose your mind for a while, just don’t hurt anyone. be let down. understand false expectations. don’t lie to yourself. Instability in an unstable world. colors bright in my mind. when you are alone, you are not forgotten. love and hate if you have to, make your decision. be a kid in the world if you can, but remember your privilege. be loyal to those you love, to your heart. walk in the rain for a long time, say what you have to say. move at your own speed. lose and find yourself again. feel things life presents to you. feel things from all sides–it’s a blessing and a curse to be human and to be able to understand in this way. be confused. don’t know. give up and start again. don’t forget to breathe, it’ s a gift. your heart works hard for you. create space for yourself to understand, even if people leave. they come back if they want. take a break. take a longer break. trust people even though you might get hurt.
watch the sunset without regret. remember people change. try. try again. only the privileged are given the things they want and need–the rest of us try. don’t take life for granted, get in touch with the dark side of yourself. we all have one, even those ‘really’ nice people you might know. don’t take your health for granted. joke around, poke fun at yourself. most of us are in this together. run to the ocean, run to the woods, say hello to a long lost relative living on a mountain. it means something. stay close to the ones that really know you. they might have to tell you who you are again. don’t be afraid to fail, it’s set up that way. choose your battles wisely. stay underground otherwise it’s not worth it. have no heroes you don’t know well. don’t be ambitious–aside from stepping on people to get where you think you need to go, you will help build a world which is now falling apart and relatively devoid of meaning anyway. fuck the surface level, dive in. go there with people. don’t be afraid, things happen regardless if you want them to or not. sit for a while. sit more. don’t be fooled. prove your points firmly. tell the truth in a way people understand.
listen to and sing neil young songs. be strong when you have to be. meet people where they are at. If you can’t don’t blame them. just walk away. breathing room. expansive space. don’t become something, it’s not important. do things for themselves. take care of yourself, but leave room for abandonment and occasional nihilism. be nice, but be firm. detached compassion is one of the worst things you can do to someone. love won’t save the world. ‘other’ people won’t save the world. none of us will save the world. the world is saving you right now, that’s why you can read this. try not to be arrogant. understand why and how. let people say what they want. let people be silent. practice solidarity with the down and out, and with your lovers and friends. we all have much in common, if we are not driven to succeed. life is fragile and fleeting and we’re like buoys in the water. have the courage to find your own way.