My Sister's Lessons
Be mellow on Sundays. Our bodies are fragile, life is fragile, but you are not as fragile as you think. A body’s capacity to endure is much larger than you could ever imagine.
Listen. Don’t listen. Always listen to yourself. Make people listen to you when you need them to. Be confident that what you have to say is important. Breathe.
Western medicine can fix your body, but not your mind or your soul. Forgive the doctors, they’re only human, but find ones who care. Fire the ones who don’t.
Cry. Cry in public places, in front of people you don’t usually cry in front of. It makes people uncomfortable, but that’s good – things are fucking uncomfortable sometimes.
Cry in your room alone, with your friends, with your family.
It’s ok. Trust that things were and sometimes still are really that intense. Things might get better, they might get worse – but one this is for sure: everything always changes. Never discount someone’s honest, subjective experience. Be calm in emergencies.
Know your body, know your mind. Don’t let people tell you that they know you better than you know yourself. Trust people who are close to you. Things are not always fine.
People make mistakes. Learn from them. Take time to do absolutely nothing. Take a lot of time, as much time as you need. There is nothing that you have to do. Don’t compare yourself to others. Be weary of psych meds, it’s society who is crazy. We are all a part of it. Be nice. There are times when you need to cut in line, and there are times when you sit and wait. Trust your intuition. Be gentle.
Do things that are scary. Feel the pain, sit with it, it will make you stronger. Pain cannot be quantified on a numerical scale between 1 and 10. Time is not linear. It’s ok to move slow. Surgery takes a lot longer to heal from then any doctor will tell you. Be aware of your own agency. Help others. Your mind and your body are not separate. Learn how to know and ask for what you need. There will be people who will never understand, it’s ok.
You are strong, but sometimes you will be weak – it’s okay. Surround yourself with people who realize that.
Laugh. Support people. If you don’t know how, ask them. Do not say you will be there for someone, and then leave. Be honest. Don’t lie to people you care about, even when it hurts to say the truth.Do not be scared of people who have health problems – how do you think they feel? Everyone’s life is equally fragile, just because western medicine likes to divide people into categories of “normal” and “abnormal” and “sick” and “well” doesn’t make it true or okay. Don’t put yourself or other people into boxes. Don’t let people put you into boxes.
Play with puppies. Don’t think you are owed something because you’ve been through a lot. You’re not. None of us are. Don’t look to others to fill the voids you need to fill yourself. Just because certain things have happened before, it doesn’t mean they will happen again. Don’t give up. Respect yourself, don’t respect authority.
Run around naked. Take vitamins. Get enough sleep. drink a lot of water. exercise.
Let go of the people who hurt you. Forgive them, forgive yourself. Don’t forget.
Learn everything you can about any medical condition you have, doctors aren’t always right. They’re not always wrong. They are definitely not gods. Educate yourself, and your family because they will be the ones who speak for you when you are unable to. Get personal copies of all your medical records. Keep them. Give copies to a few people in case of emergencies. Make friends with doctors, you’ll need them someday. Write. Lay in the sun.
Don’t judge people before you really know them, don’t come to too many conclusions about others or yourself. Be open, but protect yourself. Protect the people you love. Solidarity is the best thing you can do for someone.
Show your scars! Don’t cover them up – they are yours and they’re beautiful.